


Toymakers and Thieves

by Lady_Juno



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Friendship/Love, Love is complicated, fem!Bilbo, girl!Bilbo, lady!Bilbo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-08 22:33:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3225944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Juno/pseuds/Lady_Juno
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, even when the rule is "no courting in the Company, no love on the Quest," things happen. Bilbo's mind has been on other things (like, for instance, the DRAGON she needs to face tomorrow) and suddenly, things get much more... complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Treasure Worth Keeping

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tevie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tevie/gifts).



> As a sort of explanation for this random one-shot, I would like to congratulate, thank, and bow to our good friend Tevie, to whom this piece is dedicated. When she requested a fem!Bilbo piece, she gave me the option of three different pairings. Nori and Bifur both caught my attention, so… here we go!

It had started as a joke, nothing more. Gloin, in his infinite wisdom and vast reserves of gentlemanly tact, had made a snide comment about the 'grocer' learning a thing or two about burgling from a _real_ thief. That had been months ago, now. Months and months--it felt like years. Bilbo shuddered and smoothed her tunic over her front, glancing into the dark hole in the wall. Camping on a ledge overlooking a steep valley had never struck her as a wise idea, but then again, neither did camping in a tunnel that led to a dragon's bedroom. Thorin had ordered them to rest until the following night, but as was usually the case with such things, rest eluded her.

"Ya alright, Master Baggins?" Oin was looking at her with worry in his old eyes, and Bilbo made herself smile.

"I'm fine, Oin. Just… fine." She'd thought about telling him what was making her nervous, but that was pointless. The entire Company knew why she was nervous.

"If 'fine' is some sort of hobbitism for 'scared witless,' then I suppose that's understandable." The voice was right behind her, and Bilbo nearly bit her tongue in half.

"Honestly!" she squeaked, shivering as she turned to face Nori, who was grinning at her cheekily. "And you lot say _I_ need to wear a bell so I don't sneak up on people." Nori chuckled. How in the world he could be so relaxed and cheerful at a time like this was a mystery to her.

"That's because if we got you a bell, you'd probably wear it. I'd just sell it, and they already know that." Nori gave her a wink and put a hand on her shoulder. "Come on, lad. Let's practice some knots to pass the time, eh?"

Together, they slipped into the tunnel, which was quiet, cool and dark, and Nori pulled a length of cord from his belt. Since Bilbo had proved all but hopeless at pickpocketing and had no need of coaching in going unseen and unheard, Nori had been teaching her knifework, knot-tying and climbing. He'd tried to teach her to swim, but about the time he'd told her she needed to take her shirt off, Bilbo had blushed and told him it wasn't a good idea.

That was when Nori had learned the truth.

"Here. Try this one on for size." The dwarf pressed a knot into her hands, and she felt it all over, biting her lip. Untying this one in the dark would be tricky.

He hadn't told anyone, not even Thorin, and had proved as trustworthy as she could have hoped. More so, really. More than once, he'd covered for her when she made stupid mistakes, like when she'd lost all her buttons in the goblin tunnels and he'd helped her make new ones, or when she'd fallen ill in Laketown and he'd helped keep her warm at night. All under the guise of teaching her more about being a burglar.

The cord made quiet snapping sounds as she finally succeeded in pulling the loose end free, and Nori made a soft noise in his throat that she'd learned to associate with his approval. Bilbo blushed with pleasure.

"Learning fast, aren't you?" Nori took the cord back and she could hear the whisper of his calloused hands over the fibers of the cord as he tied a new knot.

"I knew some before we started," she objected modestly. "It's not like I didn't have anything to build on."

"Doesn't mean you're not good at it." Nori passed her the new knot, and she went about trying to dismantle it. He'd started tucking in the loose ends sometime during their stay in Laketown, and it had made things much harder. Still, it was fun. In short order, she had the knot undone, and with a smile, she tied one for him to undo.

"Nori? Can I… ask you a personal question?"

"Sure. Can't guarantee I'll answer, though." His reply was bland, so it was hard to tell in the darkness if he'd meant it or not. She decided to take him at his word.

"Are you scared?" She listened for a response, but he was quiet for a long time. The cord snapped faintly as he undid her knot, and she began to think he simply wasn't going to answer.

"Aye," he said at last, and the word was so low she almost didn't hear it. "I'm scared. But… not for me." Even in the darkness of the tunnel, she could feel his eyes on her. Bilbo shivered and turned her head to look deep into the shadows, toward the place where Smaug slept. A dragon. She couldn't imagine what it would look like, what it would do if it woke. All she knew was that there was an enormous predator at the end of this tunnel that would just as likely eat her as anything else.

"I'm more scared of failing than anything else." The whispered confession escaped her before she could think better of it. "If I wake the dragon, if it learns that we're here… then I'll have killed us all." Warm hands closed around hers and she jumped when she realized Nori was very close, now.

"I know you'll do your best, Bilbo, and that's all anyone can ask of ya."

"But what if my best isn't enough?" The question burst from her, and she wished immediately she hadn't said anything. It was a silly thing to ask. Regardless of whether or not it was good enough, her best was all she could give, and that was that. Nori's hands tightened slightly around hers.

"Then I'll be right behind ya, to pull you out again." His hands were so warm and gentle, she felt as though he thought her something… precious. The halfling felt her cheeks grow warm, and this time she knew it had nothing to do with knot-tying.

"You shouldn't. You know what Gandalf said, about the dragon knowing the smell of dwarf…."

"He's all talk. I don't care if the dragon smells me. It'll be worth it if I can get you out alive again."

Bilbo felt as though someone were squeezing her insides so tight her heart couldn't beat, nevermind that breathing nonsense. Fear gripped her, and in her mind's eye, it was all to easy to see the torn, bloodied and crisped body of her friend. Shaking her head, she pulled her hands out of his. Every muscle was tense, every fiber of her being revolting against the idea that any of them might die, especially on her behalf.

"Don't say that, Nori. Don't ever say that. Your duty is with the Company, with your brothers--with Thorin. Don't ever forget that." She stood, suddenly loath to stay in the tunnel, which had seemed so close and safe a moment before.

"Bilbo-"

"No. Don't come after me. Don't even think about it." She'd meant for him not to follow her down to the dragon's lair, but as she fled out onto the ledge, she realized that he had stayed behind. Bilbo looked around, desperate for space, and found that there were several pairs of eyes on her. Balin and Kili in particular looked worried, and as the younger dwarf started to push himself to his feet, the halfling turned and picked up the nearest item from their jumble of equipment. A water canteen. And it was half empty.

"I'm going to get some more water." Slinging the canteen's strap around her shoulders, Bilbo darted off down the hidden stairs before anyone could stop her.

Nori's pledge, spoken in the darkness of the tunnel, scared her more than she would ever want to admit. Not once, in all their weeks of training and teasing, had he ever even _implied_ anything more than genial friendship between them. And even if she found him charming and even if she depended on him to protect her when she was flustered or scared... even if she had sometimes wondered why he flirted with everything in a skirt, but not her--there would be, could be nothing between them. There just couldn't.

_Why not?_ asked a little voice that sounded a lot like her very own self. _Why couldn't a strong, capable dwarf like him care about you in more than a brotherly, companionable way?_

Obviously, because... because....

"Oh, shut up," she muttered aloud, kicking a stone and immediately regretting it. Her feet were tough, but her toes were still rather prone to getting hurt.

"Eh?"

Bilbo whirled in search of the strange voice, lost her balance, and nearly toppled. A pair of hands caught her, and she nearly burst into tears as Bifur set her on her feet. The dwarf's salt-and-pepper beard nearly hid the worried frown he wore, his dark eyes gleaming with a seemingly unquenchable thirst for understanding. Bifur's fearsome appearance and once frightened her, but now nothing about him, not even his scar and the stone ax-head lodged in his skull made her so much as vaguely uncomfortable.

Now, torn between screaming and crying, Bilbo simply threw herself into Bifur's arms and clung to him. Whether he knew she was female or not, she didn't really care at this point. Bifur was _safe._ He never told her to do this or that, yelled at her to hide or at her for not hiding. She felt him tense, heard him grunt in surprise. In a way, she felt bad for springing this on him. And perhaps, she thought with distaste, she was weak for seeking comfort from someone else because Nori was... _not safe anymore._ The words echoed in her skull until it ached, and Bilbo started to straighten, moving away from Bifur, feeling wretched. Why did everything have to be so confusticating?

Bifur didn't stop her from pulling away, but let his hands rest on her shoulders , looking into her face with an expression of deepest concern. He gestured gently, touching her cheek, then her heart, then her mouth. She didn't need anyone to translate for her. She knew he wanted to know what was wrong.

"It's... complicated." Bilbo sighed and gave him a helpless look. For a moment, the dwarf seemed confused, then he nodded, touching his nose knowingly. Speaking slowly, he asked her a question (by the tone, she knew it was a question) and Bilbo took a moment to figure out the meaning. She knew relatively little Khuzdul, as none of the dwarves were willing to teach her outright. Nori had taught her some Sindarin and Quenya and a bit of Orcish (though neither of them enjoyed the rough sound of the tongue), but when she had asked him to teach her the dwarf language, he had refused, saying "It's worth more than my pretty fingers to teach you that." Thus, it took her a few minutes to work out the words she knew in Bifur's question. She recognized "you" and "dwarf" and "trouble," but there were a couple other words (it might have been more than a couple--it was hard to tell sometimes) that she didn't know.

"You want to know... who it was that upset me?"

Bifur nodded, but she could tell that wasn't exactly what he'd said.

"It's... I... I'm just confused, Bif. I thought I had things worked out, thought I knew what I was doing. Then... I don't know... he just _changed_ everything." She looked up at him, and felt his hands tighten slightly around her shoulders. He had strong hands, but she had seen such wonders come from those thick fingers. With a piece of wood and a small blade, he could make beauty, and no matter how she'd tried, she just couldn't make her own little hands work the same wonders.

He grunted something quietly, and that, too, sounded like a question. Bilbo glanced up at him, and the hard look in his dark eyes frightened her for a moment. It didn't take a genius to know what he was upset about.

"No, no, Bif, it's fine. He didn't mean to. You know how they are--they just say things without thinking."

He didn't believe her. She could tell.

"I'm just... I'm sorry. I'm being very silly right now. I oughtn't be so upset."

Bifur put a gentle hand on her head and said something she recognized as a polite dismissal. A "don't worry about it" sort of phrase. She wished she knew more of his language, so they could speak properly.

"It's unfair, isn't it, that you can understand me, but I can't understand you? Makes our conversations pretty one-sided." Bilbo smiled weakly, and was surprised when Bifur touched their foreheads together for a moment. She knew, from watching Fili and Kili, that this was an intimate gesture--just as intimate as a kiss, if not more so, considering the context. But it made her feel... just a little better. She knew Bifur would keep this conversation between them, no matter how one-sided.

"Thanks, Bif. You're... a much better dwarf than I ever deserved to meet."


	2. An Unexpected Leadership

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dragon has been Wakened, and there are disagreements in the Company.

Smaug's words rang in her ears and slipped down into her heart, where they burned like embers.

_"It's time I reminded them who the real King Under the Mountain is."_

Even over the roar of dragonfire rushing up the passage behind her as she ran for all she was worth, she could hear the words - a death knell for hundreds of innocent men, women and children. And it was all her fault. She reached the door and threw herself out of the way, nearly tackling Nori in her haste. Fire shot out of the door behind her, crisping the lichen into nonexistence and melting some of the smaller stones.

"What happened?"

"Why did you wake the dragon?"

"Where's the treasure?"

"We're all gonna die!"

Nori gripped her arms, and Bilbo realized she could feel herself shaking from her curly head down to her wooly toes - which really weren't so wooly anymore, because the fire had scorched the hair away.

"What happened, little one?" Nori's voice rumbled in his chest as he looked down at her, made deeper by their close contact, and Bilbo looked into his face, realizing that he was almost as scared as her.

"The dragon was awake, and almost caught me, and he's going to attack Laketown and it's all my fault!" The words came out in a rush. Behind her, someone wailed that they were going to die. It sounded like Dori, though she would never be able to remember small details like that.

A shadow fell over them and Thorin pulled her to her feet, scowling down at her with such ferocity, she briefly wondered if it really would have hurt that much to be roasted by a dragon.

"Why did you wake the dragon?"

"I didn't do it on purpose!" she snapped, too frightened to think very much about the words before she said them. Thorin shook her hard enough to make her teeth rattle.

"You've doomed us all! I thought Nori would have taught you something _useful_ by now." Abruptly, he released her. Bilbo was unprepared and off-balance, so she fell, scraping one of her hands as she tried to catch herself and her cheek when she failed. But Thorin's willingness to blame her for the entire mess (even if some of it was her fault) had kindled a very Tookish outrage in her, and in a moment, Bilbo was on her feet again.

" _I've_ doomed us all? You hired me to steal treasure, not fight dragons! What did you think I was going to do in there all alone - stick my _letter opener_ in Smaug's eye and hope it went in deep enough? And even if the dragon hadn't woken - I wouldn't have been able to bring up the entire hoard of Thror, not if I were fifty times as big." If she'd been a bit taller, she would have happily boxed Thorin's ears. Luckily, she didn't have to. Balin laid a hand heavily on Thorin's shoulder and sighed.

"The burglar has a fair point, Thorin. The dragon has always been a bit of a…" he paused to grumble a bit, but eventually said it, "well, a weak point in our plan. But if the dragon is going to attack Laketown, I suggest we get inside. It wouldn't do to give the old worm target practice so easily." Already, there was a rumble in the stone that was growing steadily in volume.

Bifur gave an alarmed grunt and said something rapidly in Khuzdul, pointing down into the valley. Bofur and Bombur were watching the ponies and now casting nervous looks toward the Mountain.

"Balin, Fili, Kili, and you, Mr. Baggins, get inside the tunnel. The dragon shan't have all of us. The rest of you, lower the ropes and let's get Bofur and Bombur out of there."

Bilbo wanted to protest, but Balin steered her firmly into the tunnel, dragging Kili with them as the young dwarf protested, clearly wanting to stay with his uncle. As she passed him, Nori flashed her a strained smile.

Before very long, Bofur and Bombur were lifted up the cliffside. They fairly flew up, with the dwarves hauling madly on the ropes. All the while, the rumble was growing to a roar. Just as the last dwarf slid into the tunnel, the dragon burst into the sky, his wings a hurricane of shrieking, roaring wind.

"Shut the door!" screamed Bilbo. "Quick, shut the door now!"

Thorin and Dwalin heaved at the door. It shut with a snap, and not a moment too soon. Even through the thick stone, heat rippled through the tunnel, and then the stone started to shift, screeching and popping as the heat weakened it and the dragon lashed the mountainside with his monstrous tail. He knew they had only just escaped, and seemed determined to tear the mountainside to pieces to get at them. Chunks of stone fell from the ceiling, and the dwarves nearly trampled each other in their rush to pile further into the tunnel. Poor Bilbo was stepped on several times before someone picked her up and carried her along with the stampeding Company. For once, she didn't protest, but hid her face against the thick beard and prayed that somehow, impossibly, this would turn out alright.

Whether it was minutes or hours later that the dragon's attack stopped, no one knew. The rush and roar of his wings receded into the distance and finally, silence fell. No one moved or spoke for a long time. The tunnel was pitch dark, without even a breath of wind to tell them the world about them was still there.

When her heart had finally calmed a little and sank down out of her throat, Bilbo managed to pat the dwarf's shoulder that was holding her. She felt him turn toward her and heard a soft grunt. She relaxed a little.

"Thank you, Bifur," she whispered. Her words seemed to break a spell, and at once, the others began to whisper as well.

"What should we do now?"

"How are we going to get out?"

"Can we open the door from the inside?"

"What if it's been destroyed?"

"We're all going to be eaten."

"Why not ask the burglar? Bilbo got us away from the spiders, and helped us escape from the elves, too. Seems to me the burglar's better at planning ahead than any two of you put together." That was Nori's voice, and Bilbo noted that he avoided referring to her as "mister." She wondered now if he ever had. For a moment, the tunnel was silent. Then Thorin spoke.

"Alright, Mr. Baggins. What should we do?"

It was odd to find oneself unexpectedly thrust into the role of a leader, especially when there was already supposed to be someone in that position. For a moment, she said nothing, unsure that anything she could think of would be adequate. But then the reasoning she'd used in the tunnels in the Misty Mountains returned to her. Going back would do no good, for the door was almost certainly destroyed. So the only option was to go further in.

"Well, the dragon won't be here if he's away at Laketown." The words sank like stones in her gut and settled heavily there. "We should go out through the treasure chamber and find a way to the front gate, and get out before the dragon comes back. Once we're out, we can make a plan, and maybe catch the ponies if they've not been eaten."

"But the dragon could be waiting for us below. We would all be roasted and eaten!" That sounded like Gloin, but in the dark it wasn't easy to tell his voice from his brother's.

"That's a chance we'll have to take. It's either try to escape or stay here and starve."

**Author's Note:**

> If you have a vote about which dwarf she ends up with (Bifur or Nori) submit your whys and wherefores in the comments below. ;) Tevie gets full veto power, though, because this fic is for Tevie. *nods*


End file.
